[Roman isn't very practiced in making himself look pathetic. He prefers the opposite. But it's easy to forego taking all his makeup off so that some liner is still smudged around the edges. It's easy to let his hair fall out of place and his stubble get a quarter of an inch longer. It's easy to slip away from an unresponsive husband to sleep somewhere else.]
I thought you-- I-- I'd be crowding you. [He carefully doesn't meet Victor's eyes as he speaks.] Didn't want to-- to hurt you.
[The horror and nightmarish turmoil from the day (night?) before vanishes at the sight of Roman. He looks, to Victor, miserable and a far cry from the normal picture-perfect persona he displays all hours of the day. The fact that he doesn't look at him, keeps his voice soft in combination with the note upstairs is all horrifyingly wrong.
Nearly tripping over himself, he rushes over to the side of the couch, crouching down beside it to look up at Roman.]
What was all that, leaving a note upstairs and staying down here, for?
Everyone's always saying it. You've heard them. [Roman wrinkles his nose.] "Roman doesn't love you, he only cares about himself," blah blah blah. They'll use this, too. They'll say I did it because I hate you, because I'm the worst person in the city-- Just like always.
That’s fuckin- you know that’s bullshit. When the hell did you start giving a shit about what all those losers say anyway? Come on, doll, don’t let them get to you like that.
[Roman sniffles. His plan is working well so far, but why not lay it on thick? Really make sure Victor can't be mad at him anymore.]
I just-- I just don't want to lose-- the only good person in this fucking city. [He lets his crocodile tears pour out, frantically wiping them away as if he's embarrassed of them.] I got-- got worried. About what might have happened if we weren't permanently contracted. Would you-- would you leave me?
[Laying it on thick makes Victor's heartache even more. Hasn't seen Roman like this in a while, certainly never this upset. Frowning, Victor reaches up to cup Roman's cheek and wipe some tears back.]
I haven't thought about leaving in 16 years, I'm not going to start now.
[Roman sniffles some more, leaning into Victor's touch. It feels disgusting to make himself seem weak, vulnerable, but it's the best way to ensure Victor doesn't leave him. Not like Roman thinks he could. But it's best not to test that.]
I don't tell you enough, but... I love you, Victor. [And it's true, in his own way. Victor is the only one who can make him feel like that. It's a twisted kind of love, violent and cruel, but it's love all the same.] I love you so goddamn much.
[Victor's heart breaks and burns all at once at those words. It's all he's wanted to hear, ever, every day if he could. It's why he went on the network so long ago, asking for help in how to get Roman to admit what Victor knew.
Now he says it, with tears in his eyes and a waver in his voice and Victor burns for him.
Having not a single idea or thought it could be a facade.]
Fuck, Roman, I love you too. God, it's why I miss you so much, I love you so fuckin' much.
Really? [Roman finally lifts his eyes toward Victor, lower lip quivering. He reaches out and tentatively places his hand on top of Victor's.] You don't hate me? Not even after... what I did?
No, no, Roman, never. Could never hate you, doll. You-it's like we were made for each other. [Roman is really beating himself up about this. Victor hates it.]
Come on, let's- let's get you dressed and cared for.
[Roman really does believe that they were made for each other. Who else knows him like this? Who else could care for him so well? And who else is as submissive and useful as Victor? Not a damn soul on the planet.
He can't lose him.]
O-okay. Okay. [He sniffles again, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.] Thank you, Victor. I love you.
[He leans over and kisses Roman on the temple, soft and gentle. Then he leans over and, despite the bruises around his wrists, his aching lungs, and all over sore body, picks Roman up bridal style and keeps him close.]
You're welcome, doll. [He smiles softly, kissing Roman's neck. The events last night seem a distant memory, something he doesn't even put thought to as he carries Roman upstairs.]
A little stiff from sleeping on the couch, but I'll live. [Unlike him not to complain about everything even slightly inconvenient, but he thinks it'll add to his act.] Just want to be in bed with you.
Yeah? I bet, the couch is kind of an uncomfortable spot compared to the master bed, huh?
[He nuzzles Roman's neck but stops, leaning against the wall as he pants, shaking from the strain. His body still not recovered from the emotional and physical trauma last night.]
[He nods, sweating slightly. Pushing away from the wall, leaning into Roman's touch, he trudges the rest of the way into the master bedroom across the split rose petals.
Setting Roman down gently, Victor collapses beside him.]
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Barely catching himself on the railing, he looks down into the living room. Sees Roman curled up on the couch and his heart aches.]
Roman-
[He says, relieved and starts hurrying down the stairs.]
I saw- you didn’t- what are you doing down here?
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I thought you-- I-- I'd be crowding you. [He carefully doesn't meet Victor's eyes as he speaks.] Didn't want to-- to hurt you.
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[The horror and nightmarish turmoil from the day (night?) before vanishes at the sight of Roman. He looks, to Victor, miserable and a far cry from the normal picture-perfect persona he displays all hours of the day. The fact that he doesn't look at him, keeps his voice soft in combination with the note upstairs is all horrifyingly wrong.
Nearly tripping over himself, he rushes over to the side of the couch, crouching down beside it to look up at Roman.]
What was all that, leaving a note upstairs and staying down here, for?
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I just-- I just don't want to lose-- the only good person in this fucking city. [He lets his crocodile tears pour out, frantically wiping them away as if he's embarrassed of them.] I got-- got worried. About what might have happened if we weren't permanently contracted. Would you-- would you leave me?
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I haven't thought about leaving in 16 years, I'm not going to start now.
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I don't tell you enough, but... I love you, Victor. [And it's true, in his own way. Victor is the only one who can make him feel like that. It's a twisted kind of love, violent and cruel, but it's love all the same.] I love you so goddamn much.
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Now he says it, with tears in his eyes and a waver in his voice and Victor burns for him.
Having not a single idea or thought it could be a facade.]
Fuck, Roman, I love you too. God, it's why I miss you so much, I love you so fuckin' much.
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Come on, let's- let's get you dressed and cared for.
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He can't lose him.]
O-okay. Okay. [He sniffles again, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.] Thank you, Victor. I love you.
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[He leans over and kisses Roman on the temple, soft and gentle. Then he leans over and, despite the bruises around his wrists, his aching lungs, and all over sore body, picks Roman up bridal style and keeps him close.]
Is this ok?
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Just perfect, Victor.
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You sore at all?
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We’ll stay in bed a little longer, yeah? How’s that sound?
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I'd like that. I... didn't sleep well last night.
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[He nuzzles Roman's neck but stops, leaning against the wall as he pants, shaking from the strain. His body still not recovered from the emotional and physical trauma last night.]
Sorry- Need to catch my breath.
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You're strong, Victor. I know you are.
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Setting Roman down gently, Victor collapses beside him.]
There- you okay?
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[Roman curls up and rests his head on Victor's chest, sighing. He likes the feeling. Likes knowing Victor is there for him, always.]
And you...?
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[He answers honestly, pulling Roman close and onto his chest. He wraps his arms around Roman, kissing his forehead.]
Better now that you're in bed with me.
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